Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
