She is in my trunk
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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