Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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