he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
