I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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