Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
