I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
