You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
