I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize