it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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