I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
