I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
