I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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