hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
