Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
