Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize