sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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