Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
