You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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