White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
