We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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