ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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