Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
