and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
