I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
