Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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