Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
