Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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