tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you had me at cake vodka
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
