I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize