how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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