I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
