We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
