this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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