if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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