yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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