my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
