don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize