she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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