Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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