she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
