haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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