bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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