i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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