Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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