I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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