sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
be right there i have to get my cape
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
