The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
