Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
