he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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