you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Operation Purity has been aborted
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
ttyl tear gas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
