onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
