You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
