somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize