I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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