I wish I only lived at night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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