Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
