thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
