she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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