and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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