What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
