flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
